Pausing to Honor Grief
Sitting with Grief….
On July 20, 2024 I lost my father James C. Brown and having been sitting with grief since hearing the news. I was initially unsure of how my grief would show up during this time and found myself on high alert waiting for the shoes of all that I had heard about to drop. Yet for me it didn’t occur that way, it wasn’t a drop but a slow wave moving closer to shore as I stood still unable to move. When I explained this feeling to others they nooded in oh too familiar agreement. So being the Coach that I am, I decided to get curious about grief, to understand, notice, and honor it as I allow myself to be present. I have even begun to Pause in my grief to truly pay attention to my growth and healing during this time. Here is what I am learning below.
What is Grief?
Grief is a natural reaction to loss, encompassing emotional turmoil when something or someone significant is no longer present. The intensity of this loss can lead to a range of challenging and unforeseen emotions such as shock, anger, disbelief, guilt, and deep sadness.
Lesson 1
Grief is not linear. It doesn’t follow a set path or timeline, and it can manifest in unexpected ways. One day I might feel relatively okay, and the next, a wave of sadness can hit me out of nowhere. Understanding this helped me be more gentle with myself, allowing room for whatever emotions surfaced without judgment.
Lesson 2
Grief is unique to each individual. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some find solace in talking about their loved ones, while others might prefer solitude or creative outlets like writing or art. This individuality allows me not to compare my grief to someone else’s, which is neither fair nor helpful.
Lesson 3
Grief can bring about a range of physical symptoms. Fatigue, changes in appetite, and even physical aches and pains are common. This connection between the mind and body has underscored the importance of self-care during this period. Simple acts like maintaining a healthy diet, getting enough rest, and engaging in gentle exercise have become essential tools in my healing process.
Lesson 4
Fourth, seeking support is crucial. Whether through friends, family, coaches and therapist, having a support system is providing comfort and understanding. It reminds me that I don’t have to navigate this journey alone, and that reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Lastly, I learned that it’s okay to find moments of joy amidst the sorrow. Grieving doesn’t mean I have to be sad all the time. Allowing myself to smile, laugh, and find happiness in small things doesn’t diminish my love for my Father but rather honors the joy he brings into my life.
As I continue to navigate this path, I hold onto these lessons, embracing my grief as a testament to the deep love I continue to have for my Father. I know that for me this will be a journey of growth, healing, and ultimately, finding a new way to carry his memory forward.
So of course as I head into my August Pause. I decided to share my new grief wisdom with each of you as members of my beloved community just in case it helps one of you in your process.
